DEAR SANTA,
IT'S BEGINING TO LOOK A LOT LIKE CHRISTMAS ♥
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Poetic Justice - (Real Talk)
All I wanted was your undivided attention. Yeah, I finally said it... That was my intention. Oh, and did I forget to mention? Somehow you ease all my tension. Now I just got a question.. What would you do if you were in my situation? Nothing .. Cause this all exists in my head. It's only my imagination.
And then here comes another complication, I can't quite figure out my emancipation. Cause after all this time, I realized you don't fit my equation.
That's the truth & I ain't got nothing to lose, or nothing to prove. And to my satisfaction, I'm not wasting anymore time, I'm done with this so-called- "never-ending-climb."
- jus keepin' it real
And then here comes another complication, I can't quite figure out my emancipation. Cause after all this time, I realized you don't fit my equation.
That's the truth & I ain't got nothing to lose, or nothing to prove. And to my satisfaction, I'm not wasting anymore time, I'm done with this so-called- "never-ending-climb."
- jus keepin' it real
Monday, November 23, 2009
True story, ya feeel me?
OKAY SO .. REWIND ?
"So, tell me.. What happened? Why were you so upset and angry last week?"
*INHALES* Well it's a long story...
Now STOP. Let's fast forward to the present and press PLAY.
I think I somewhat jinx myself. Every single time I tell myself..
" I'm pretty happy, I've reached a point of absolute contentness. "
" Nothing's perfect, cause there's no such thing .. but i'm mediant. "
I swear, I just.. just always.. I just screw myself over. All the time.
It just seems like.. like I never get enough of a chance to sit there,
smile and not worry about anything but homework or something that isn't
even neccesary.
And this is the part where you said, "Be tough. "
And I said:
Truth is, sometimes I don't wanna be tough. Because I feel like that's all I ever am.
I wanna switch up the roles.
So now, would the rules change up or would they still apply?
Sometimes I wanna be vulnerable. I wanna sit there and be a little cry baby and cry about things.
Sometimes I wanna be the rebel, I wanna be angry. I wanna go out and be pesimisstic and not optimistic as usual. I wanna say "Fuck The World" or "Fuck My Life" and all that other bull shit, because you know sometimes I'd rather say that, 'cause it's easier than feeling something.
*EXHALES*
& she says..
" Justine, I just want you to know that things happen, it's stress and tension.
I want you to know that everyone has that month where there's those straight up
bad days, where you wish it could all go away but it doesn't. But soon it will.
I don't know what to tell you cause I know you'll just say, "I know, I know. "
Because you've literally expierenced everything, and you give all the advice so
you know what you're talking about. Things happen, it'll be okay. It's better to be strong."
You know sometimes it helps. When you feel like you just don't want to talk to anyone, you leave them and shut them out. It makes you feel worse. You're eliminating everyone who cares about you and shutting out the people that are just trying to help. But secretly, inside you just want someone to talk to. But you "complain" repeatedly and act like you have no one. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you had an effect on me today. When I felt like I wanted to close everyone out, you just magically talked to me and made me feel a lot better. The reminder's always help. And Ladies and Gentlemen, prepare yourself for a true fact: I am a jinx to myself, simple as that. It's not complex, there are no mix ups or complications nor are there any twists. It's simple as that, this is where I stand. Everytime I tell myself I have reached some point of contentness, something always just seems to come and tear that down. Yes, I know people have it worse and why should I complain? But I realized everyone has there own fair share of pain, and children.. This is mine. Welcome to my world.
On another note, you're being unfair. Who you were today? Definently not you. What you did was not my forté nor was it yours. It wasn't you. I did nothing and this whole situation is completely irrelevant. Out of all people, I never would've thought YOU would've come to me with a situation like this. Yeah, if you know this is about you.. To be honest, I don't care. I truly do care for you, but this is just crossing the line. I can't believe I even apologized whatsoever. I simply wonder why it's always me analyzing the situation over and over, saying sorry, wondering what I DID WRONG.. When sometimes I don't even do anything wrong! Lately, it's been that way. Why don't you look at what you said or did and think about how you made me feel huh? I always gotta care about your feelings. For once I feel like you should take the opportunity to care about mine, just for a split second, that's all I'm asking. Is it too much to ask? Don't over-react over something that's completely unneccesary. Having said that from here on out, I turn to music as my savior and as the interpreter of my emotions. That's all I have left to say. No more no less.
- Keep It Real.
"So, tell me.. What happened? Why were you so upset and angry last week?"
*INHALES* Well it's a long story...
Now STOP. Let's fast forward to the present and press PLAY.
I think I somewhat jinx myself. Every single time I tell myself..
" I'm pretty happy, I've reached a point of absolute contentness. "
" Nothing's perfect, cause there's no such thing .. but i'm mediant. "
I swear, I just.. just always.. I just screw myself over. All the time.
It just seems like.. like I never get enough of a chance to sit there,
smile and not worry about anything but homework or something that isn't
even neccesary.
And this is the part where you said, "Be tough. "
And I said:
Truth is, sometimes I don't wanna be tough. Because I feel like that's all I ever am.
I wanna switch up the roles.
So now, would the rules change up or would they still apply?
Sometimes I wanna be vulnerable. I wanna sit there and be a little cry baby and cry about things.
Sometimes I wanna be the rebel, I wanna be angry. I wanna go out and be pesimisstic and not optimistic as usual. I wanna say "Fuck The World" or "Fuck My Life" and all that other bull shit, because you know sometimes I'd rather say that, 'cause it's easier than feeling something.
*EXHALES*
& she says..
" Justine, I just want you to know that things happen, it's stress and tension.
I want you to know that everyone has that month where there's those straight up
bad days, where you wish it could all go away but it doesn't. But soon it will.
I don't know what to tell you cause I know you'll just say, "I know, I know. "
Because you've literally expierenced everything, and you give all the advice so
you know what you're talking about. Things happen, it'll be okay. It's better to be strong."
You know sometimes it helps. When you feel like you just don't want to talk to anyone, you leave them and shut them out. It makes you feel worse. You're eliminating everyone who cares about you and shutting out the people that are just trying to help. But secretly, inside you just want someone to talk to. But you "complain" repeatedly and act like you have no one. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you had an effect on me today. When I felt like I wanted to close everyone out, you just magically talked to me and made me feel a lot better. The reminder's always help. And Ladies and Gentlemen, prepare yourself for a true fact: I am a jinx to myself, simple as that. It's not complex, there are no mix ups or complications nor are there any twists. It's simple as that, this is where I stand. Everytime I tell myself I have reached some point of contentness, something always just seems to come and tear that down. Yes, I know people have it worse and why should I complain? But I realized everyone has there own fair share of pain, and children.. This is mine. Welcome to my world.
On another note, you're being unfair. Who you were today? Definently not you. What you did was not my forté nor was it yours. It wasn't you. I did nothing and this whole situation is completely irrelevant. Out of all people, I never would've thought YOU would've come to me with a situation like this. Yeah, if you know this is about you.. To be honest, I don't care. I truly do care for you, but this is just crossing the line. I can't believe I even apologized whatsoever. I simply wonder why it's always me analyzing the situation over and over, saying sorry, wondering what I DID WRONG.. When sometimes I don't even do anything wrong! Lately, it's been that way. Why don't you look at what you said or did and think about how you made me feel huh? I always gotta care about your feelings. For once I feel like you should take the opportunity to care about mine, just for a split second, that's all I'm asking. Is it too much to ask? Don't over-react over something that's completely unneccesary. Having said that from here on out, I turn to music as my savior and as the interpreter of my emotions. That's all I have left to say. No more no less.
- Keep It Real.
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